Poker is so frustrating

I try so hard to give this my all and actually want to succeed and finally finish this challenge, but whenever I try there is something, or someone who's going to screw it up for me.... To be honest I haven't been running that well since the last update, and I have now used up all my tickets which I carried over from last year. The biggest killer was the $320 ticket I had and failed to convert into anything, so that was a sizeable chunk gone in an instant. But I did email support and try and get the expiry date moved. I can't recall if I mentioned this in the last update, but it wasn't granted, and I had a rant so it was no surprise I crashed and failed with that ticket. But I was also starting to run bad in the hyper turbo sit n go's I enjoyed playing. I know there huge variance types of games but I felt I wasn't getting the run of the green so to speak and rather chase my losses I decided to take a break from those. The traffic for the other games is so pants on OnGame it's not worth it, so I have played little since the the tournament above. But this weekend just gone I had to play the last of my tickets, and while the GSOP Series is running it was a good chance if I ran well I could close this challenge out. So I played the GrandPrix on Saturday with 40k GTD with my ticket, and after, granted wanting to make the money after playing for 5 hrs and a desperate confidence boost I folded my way to the cash. But only because everyone else was doing the same thing, and with top 46 players getting paid and me sitting with 12 bb and still in the top 30 overall sorted made me play that way. So combined with all that I was happy to fold to the cash. But once I cashed I didn't go stupid and want to double up straight away and tried to pick my spots, but of course all the other short stacks were just lumping it in. I wasn't bothered about laddering and eventually blind on blind with me holding Ace six off in the BB was an instant jam/call and I guess him holding Jack Ten was most likely going to call my shove after his raise anyways. That's what happened and he turned the Ten and that was me out in 34th for $278 I think it was. Gutted my hand didn't hold up, but overall pleased I manage to cash and of course I still had another ticket for the following day into the 200k. So after failing to land a final GSOP Marbella all in ticket I decided I was going to play the 200k and also the mini version but was 90% cheaper with the same structure. I played good steady poker and I defo think my post flop poker has improved loads over the recent 12 months or so after reading and watching videos, but it only takes a brief bit of madness and its all over...... Playing for 4 1/2 hrs and doing pretty good in both tournaments and still about 150 from both cashes I then play my Ace King in the smaller game. Granted it was 2nd raise in 2 hands and wasn't surprised to get 3 bet in late position, I make my 4 bet and leave half my stack behind which is enough to tell him it's going in if he wants to play ball. He does jam and I make the call, but WTF he turns over 9 6 off. Yes of course he hits the turn and I'm out . I resist the urge to call him a fucking moron, but inside I'm so pissed off and I instantly raise on the 200k table with Jack Ten suited, I get 3 bet by the guy next me and I'm still fuming so 4 bet and he shoves and I call. He turns over queens and that's me out. Looking back of course I'm gutted. I could of made such a deep run in the 200k and was sitting in about 150th about 100 from the money with top 220 being paid. But I also wanted to make an effort this time round to actually not bother about just cashing and go for it if I had the cards or the position to add chips to my stack. In hindsight it was a simple fold preflop, but I can't undo something that's already been done. I guess I'm just human after all. I have just remembered another key hand as well which stands out and when your running bad, your running bad. I have QQ and I get 2 callers and the flop comes Q 6 7 rainbow and I make the cont bet and get shoved on, happy days. I obv make the call and very happy to see him with 6 7 suited. I have him totally crushed, but the turn brings another heart to give him a flush draw, and yup the river brings another heart to take the pot. I get back down to 8bb and totally gutted. But I do make the comeback and manage to treble up 20 mins or so later to put me back in the game. But it's so annoying for you to watch the sickout kid then go on a huge tear and collect chips for almost every player. Talk about thin edges and all that.... But overall I'm happy today, mainly down to reading an article about Jake Cody who was asked why he never seems to go on tilt, and just says, if I played well that's all I can do. He has got a point, but its hard sometimes to think about what might of been, and the old saying is just a classic.... Lives are changed forever on the turn of a card, how so true...... Overall the challenge bankroll is still well below the 5k I had at the start of the year, and of course playing these three big ticket tournaments with little reward was always going to hit hard, but its still pretty good at about $4300. I say about because its split between OnGame and MIcrogamming but with the same poker site and the latter being in €. I don't know which direction to take next. I have a lot of promotions going on at the minute with other sites so time and traffic issues are the key at the moment, but I will update when I can, until next time thanks for reading...